My Husband Bought Me Donuts and I Cried…

My husband bought me donuts and I cried.

Maybe it’s because I’m hormonal. Even though I’m six months postpartum.

I cried because of his kindness.
These six donuts were around $20.
These were not ordinary donuts. They were locally made foodie, novelty, bakery donuts.

That we drove 20 minutes to get at a chic downtown shop.

I didn’t find out the price until later that day when he casually mentioned that he wanted to tell me something about the donuts.

Continue reading “My Husband Bought Me Donuts and I Cried…”

Loving My ADD Husband

My husband was diagnosed with ADD as a child.

As a result, he found it difficult to focus in a traditional school setting. The decision was made to homeschool him. He thrived being able to complete his schoolwork in the morning and expound his boundless energy playing the rest of the day.

His ADD wasn’t a bad thing it just required a few adjustments and some understanding of how his environment can help him thrive or struggle.

Although with age and maturity he has outgrown a lot of his ADD tendencies at times I can see evidence of it.

For example, he doesn’t like to sit still for long periods of time. Often he will pace the room while we’re having a serious conversation or start tapping rhythms with his fingers (he’s a drummer) when bored.

At other times he can be highly sensitive both emotionally and physically. I have to be aware of how I share something that’s bothering me in order to not be overbearing or insensitive to his feelings. On the physical side, he doesn’t always like to be touched while my love language is physical touch. He is also sensitive to the feel of certain fabrics and prefers very soft fabrics over anything rough, satiny or overly smooth.

Change for him provokes a lot of anxiety. Starting a new job, moving, me being 39 weeks pregnant are all things he is constantly concerned about.

He goes through phases of being very dedicated to certain hobbies or activities. Not to an extreme or unhealthy level but with a strong desire to be successful. Usually, this habit manifests through various types of games, sports or his cars.

His dedication also extends to me, family and friends. He makes connecting with others a priority. Whether it’s a text throughout the day or driving long distances, relationships are important to him.

Finally, he has incredible attention to detail and is skilled at spatial orientation. He can at times be a perfectionist, while I could care less if something is less than perfect. He is also a confident AZ licensed driver.

I may not understand all the aspects of his ADD but I can appreciate all the ways it makes him a great husband.

For starters, I’m happy being a homebody but he gets bored if we never go out. He encourages me to be more social and introduces me to active things we can do together like working out, going for walks or seeing a sporting event.

I also appreciate his go-go-go approach to life because it allows him to be a tireless provider when he has to work 12-hour shifts.

How He Helps me be a Better Person

Secondly, he has taught me to be a better communicator. At times I can be too brash or dramatic in expressing myself. Instead, I’m learning to state the facts, not get caught up in emotion and to have more empathy when needed.

Furthermore, although I don’t like seeing him worry or feel anxious about things I appreciate his deep care and concern for my wellbeing and our growing family. I know I can count on him to take care of us. Even if for him, that means starting a new, more challenging job while his wife is very pregnant and having to relocate soon after the baby comes.

Finally, when my husband commits to a task he’s all in and he will do his very best to achieve a good outcome. For example, I have never questioned his dedication or commitment to me. Every day he affirms his love for me. He’s the one who makes sure we resolve conflicts. He stresses the importance of our relationship with Christ over our relationship with each other. He prays for us, for me and for our life together. He encourages me in my pursuits. He stands up for me in front of others. He’s certainly not perfect but I know his commitment to our marriage does not waver.

Perhaps at one time, his ADD was seen as an obstacle to succeeding academically or otherwise. I don’t see his ADD as a flaw or hurdle to overcome. Instead, I see it as a gift that has made him into the most amazing, caring, sensitive, driven and talented husband and soon to be father.

I hope that our baby girl can learn these same incredible traits from her daddy.


My husband was diagnosed with ADD as a child. I don't see his ADD as a flaw or hurdle to overcome. Instead, I see it as a gift that has made him into the most amazing, caring, sensitive, driven and talented husband and soon to be father.

5 Things I Would Say to a New Bride Newlywed Reflections~Month 11

To read the rest of this series click here: Newlywed Reflections
1. Accept your spouse for who they are

While you were dating you had the chance to evaluate your spouse and determine whether or not you could commit the rest of your life to being with them. By now you realize they are not perfect.

Perhaps at times, they say something embarrassing or they tend to leave clothes on the floor. In these situations, it’s important to remember that you’re not going to like or approve of everything they do. At the same time, you have faults too and still expect them to accept you. Everyone has their annoying habits but these don’t need to be an issue if one can learn to extend grace to their spouse and not have astronomical expectations of their behaviour.

Furthermore, you and your spouse probably approach the same situation differently. This doesn’t mean your way is superior, it means you do things differently. Perhaps you don’t agree with their method but it’s important to respect that this is how they do things and to appreciate why you married someone different from yourself. For example, I like to take a few days and think before making a decision whereas my husband is very decisive and can make a decision within a day. Neither of these approaches is wrong but we have to respect how the other person operates. As you go on in marriage you begin to discover more and more how your spouse is wired and you can anticipate these moments rather than letting a conflict ensue.

2. Always think the best of your spouse

This point builds off the last one in that when your spouse does something wrong (like not washing the dishes properly) or hurtful (whether intentionally or not) or is just irritating you try to approach them with understanding and the belief that they are trying their best. It’s often easier to dwell on the negative thoughts that enter our mind about our spouses. Yet the more often we do this the more magnified these thoughts become and they can begin to cloud to the true picture of who your spouse really is. Maybe they don’t always take their dishes to the sink or they leave dirty socks on the floor, try not to see this behaviour as them being spiteful or treating you as the maid. Rather reframe the situation and give them grace, perhaps they were tired or they forgot or they were going to do the task later.

It’s important to not assume their motives are negative towards you. If it becomes an issue gently approach them and tell them how the action makes you feel rather than blaming them for being lazy or unappreciative of you. Another way to approach an issue is to put the negative item or request between two positive or encouraging sentiments. For example: “I really appreciate it when you compliment my cooking, it means a lot to me because I worked really hard in preparing the meal. It would be really helpful though if you could bring your dishes to the sink after eating. I’m so glad we could have dinner together tonight, sometimes things are so busy”.

3. Love them when they are being unlovable

This one is super hard! It’s the complete opposite of what human nature wants to do when being disrespected or treated unfairly. Yet this is exactly how God treats us. He loved us when we were still sinners and did things that hurt Him.

Jesus is our ultimate example of how to love others when they are being unkind to us. This type of reaction is far better than reacting with the same disrespect or unkindness one is being shown. It shows the other person that you will not tolerate their behaviour but you still love and respect them as your spouse. This can also extend to not letting resentment about your spouse build up within you. This is still something I’m working and probably will be for the rest of my life. Through prayer and God’s strength, it is possible to love the sometimes unlovable.

If your situation includes a pattern of disrespect or maltreatment please consult a counsellor. Sometimes our issues in marriage need to be addressed by a neutral party who can help us build a healthy relationship.

4. Never talk badly about your spouse to other people (friends, parents, children)

When you talk down your spouse in front of others it gives a bad impression of your spouse. Your audience is likely to internalize this view about your spouse. In contrast, seek to uplift and edify your spouse around others. Our opinions hold a lot of power over how others view our spouses. As, we know their deepest secrets, their fears, and insecurities.

At the same time, we are also deeply aware of all their wonderful qualities that may not always be showcased publicly. Remember one always has a choice in what is shared about their significant other. It’s always better to vent your feelings to God in prayer or to take up journaling rather than confiding in a friend. As I mentioned above if your marriage has serious issues that need to be addressed consult a professional counsellor.

5. Communicate

Communication is imperative to a thriving relationship. This is definitely something I’ve had to work on as I tend to be introspective and don’t always actively say what I’m thinking.

As I’ve been in a relationship I have realized how important it is to be in continual communication with one’s partner. This ranges from checking in before you buy something, to running plans with your friends by your spouse to not accepting dinner invitations until you’ve confirmed with your spouse you’re both free and want to attend the event. It really is very simple but it takes discipline especially when one is used to making all their own decisions.

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I’ve only been married for a year but I try to daily remind myself to implement these tips because I want a thriving, healthy marriage. I realize this takes effort and is not always easy. Yet at the end of the day, I’m going to be proud of myself for giving my best to my marriage. I hope that at whatever stage of marriage you are at that you are encouraged to keep striving!

Marriage is a great honour and blessing to be a part of.


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In Summary:

1. Accept your spouse for who they are

You can’t change them and you married them for a reason

2. Always think the best of your spouse

Remember they are doing the best that they know how

3. Love your spouse when they are being unlovable

Because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)

4. Never talk badly about your spouse to other people (friends, parents, children)

Your words have power, seek to edify your spouse

5. Communicate

It shows respect for your spouse and keeps you both on the same page

Tell me below, what are some tips or advice you would give new brides? Or what are you daily striving towards in your marriage? I’d love to hear!


CLICK HERE TO READ: And Baby Makes 3 ~Newlywed Reflections Month 10

5 Things I Would Say to a New Bride

The First Year is Hard: What I learned from one year of being married

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Photo: Camille Marie Photography

Thoughts on Singleness: How I Conquered Feeling Lonely, Unwanted and Not Good Enough

I write a lot on this blog of marriage and my experiences being married. I write about this topic because it’s relevant to my life at this point. However, before this current season, I spent a lot of time being single. I’ve written a few posts about those days: Just Wait, When Everyone Else is Getting Engaged and Encouragement for Single Women. Although those were not the most favourite or preferred times in my life, they were necessary and one lesson I learned was to be content on my own.

I understand that being single is not easy in a culture that is constantly pushing the mantra that you need someone to be happy or complete you. I say -lies! I also know that deep down we all accept the arduous truth that no one person can truly satisfy us. Yet we still seek a person or relationship to make us feel good, increase our ego and validate our worth. I understand the endeavour because we see the couples all over social media professing their undying love and affection to each other. They look so happy. Meanwhile, on the inside, we’re hurting or we’ve been injured by someone we trusted and we just want to feel loved and accepted. These feelings are not wrong, we were made to be loved.

Thoughts on Singleness: How I Conquered Feeling Lonely, Unwanted and Not Good Enough

Singleness is often perceived as not being wanted. Internally this may be felt or an ascribed label. Unfortunately, this definition deepens the pain of being ‘alone’. Not only do you not have someone to share life with, you’ve labelled yourself at not being worth someone’s time or affection. You persuade yourself if “I was attractive enough, or witty enough or…” then someone would notice me and validate my value, then someone would tell me I’m beautiful, then I could live out my romantic comedy dreams… I’ve felt all of these thoughts and emotions when I was single. It was hard. I often wondered if I would ever meet someone if I would get married before 25. I went through feeling bitter, jealous, and envious of other’s relationships. I wondered what is so wrong with me? Why can’t guys see my attractive qualities and character? I prayed many nights that God would bring a godly man into my life.

In an effort to change my situation I sought a relationship. Alas, trying to seek out a relationship often has the opposite result. All of my efforts to secure a guys attention usually failed. I tried to look pretty, be outgoing, laugh at their jokes, go to events where I knew there would be guys, talk to them, be available. To no avail did any of it work. I ended up feeling rejected. Eventually, I got to the point where I was encouraged to try online dating. (Which in some circumstances can be helpful to meet people, at the time I wasn’t ready to take this step). Everything I was trying was giving the same hopeless result. Until one evening where God changed my perspective.

I was over at a friends house from church with a few other young adult friends and my friend’s parents. We were talking about our church’s Young Adult group where once a month we had an event called Lunch & Learn where all the other young adults would gather after the Sunday morning service to share a meal and fellowship together. Our church was quite large and the group usually consisted of over 50 people. I always viewed it a perfect opportunity to meet guys (; On this night my friend’s parents encouraged us to go to Lunch & Learn the next day and seek out individuals who were alone or needed friends. We had a pretty solid friend group and it would be easy for us to reach out to others. The following day I went to the event resolute to seek out anyone who needed a friend. Instead of focusing on myself and how I could attract male attention, my desire’s were turned towards others needs. I and my friend ended up sitting away from our other friends to try meeting new people. As a result, I focused on showing kindness and interest to those around me instead of seeking validation from others.

This change in perspective was a pivotal moment for me to move past my selfish desires to meet my needs and to look around at how I could serve others. I wasn’t automatically content with my circumstances, but I began to not obsess over what I didn’t have to what I could give. I still felt lonely as I prayed about a future husband, but God began to change my heart and teach me to trust His timing.

A few weeks later I went home for Christmas and I focused on spending time with my family and doing fun things with my friends. Later my mom commented that she could sense I was lonely, but that I was also subtly content with my circumstances.

Eventually, I did meet a guy, and shockingly (to me) he asked me out on a real first date. From then on I entered a whole new exciting, surprising and unfamiliar season of life. Before that time I had spent a lot of time alone, single and wondering if that time would ever come. Looking back I’m grateful for the time I spent unattached. I realize it allowed me to cultivate lifelong friendships, to participate in a bible study that provided these friends, to spend in-depth time studying God’s word, filling my mind with truth and promises, and to learn the difficult lesson to be content in all circumstances.

I’m thankful I met Mike when I did because I was in a really good place personally. My sole desires at that time were not to find a relationship. Therefore, upon first meeting him I assumed he probably had a girlfriend so why waste time being overly friendly with this really attractive guy (as was my previous practice).

Still today, I haven’t mastered the virtue of contentment, I still struggle with it, although in different areas. In all season’s of life, we are faced with angst. I still have unmet desires and goals I hope to accomplish. Although I don’t know when those will be accomplished, I have learned to be content while I wait. I needed this timely reminder of how changing my perspective changed my situation.

Every season of life has a purpose and if one’s heart is open God is graciously teaching one a lesson. Don’t let your pride or personal preferences get in the way of His purpose. God doesn’t withhold good from those He loves. Although He gives us boundaries in His word to keep us away from situations and acts that are harmful to us, He does this to sanctify us and make us more like Him. At times it’s painful but the reward of obeying Him and living in submission to His commands far exceeds the pain.

Whatever your going through pray about it and trust that God is faithful in His timing.

Click here to read about one of my favourite go-to websites for solid, biblical advice on dating and relationships: Favourites Friday>> Boundless

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5 Traits I’m Glad I Didn’t Settle on in my Husband Newlywed Reflections~Month 7

To read the rest of this series click here: Newlywed Reflections

The last month has not been fun. Between the end of the semester deadlines and ongoing car trouble, I’ve been struggling to not feel overwhelmed and stressed. At the same time, I’m incredibly grateful to our family for helping Mike and me over the past month. Even as an adult I still need my parents sometimes <3

Although the last month has been challenging emotionally, mentally and physically I’m so thankful I have the husband I do. God blessed me with an incredible guy

5 Traits I'm Glad I didn't Settle on in My Husband

  1. Positivity

    Mike emanates a positive attitude each day. Although he works a minimum 12 hour day and has to get up before 4am he always comes home happy to see me and with a grateful attitude for all God has provided. He doesn’t let the stress of life overwhelm him to where he can’t still make me laugh in the evenings. He chooses to accept that this is what life looks right now and he has to keep moving forward instead of complaining about how things could be different. A partner who sees life with the glass half full makes going through rough times so much more bearable. Especially when I get easily overwhelmed in all that’s going wrong.

  2. Work Ethic

    One thing I have always admired about Mike is his dedication to giving his best effort in whatever task he’s completing. Whether it’s washing the dishes, cleaning his paintball gun or fixing our cars he always does a thorough and complete job. This trait applies to more than just menial tasks, I can see it in the way he approaches our relationship and his job. Mike takes time to listen to my thoughts, to pray for us and seek wise counsel. Most importantly his work ethic enables him to be the provider God called him to be.

  3. Spiritual Leadership

    The number one thing that drew me to Michael was his sincere faith. I could tell after talking to him and spending time together that God was an integral aspect of his life. Recently I’ve seen this article floating around about pursuing a Christian man vs a Christian boy and I wholeheartedly agree! Ladies do not settle for a Christian boy. You will regret it. When things get hard, as they have been for us over the past few months, our faith has been the thing we have leaned on. Especially prayer.  Not only has our faith brought us through tough times it has brought us so close together. I remember one difficult evening where we prayed together and I felt so close and connected after bringing everything to God together. Ultimately our relationship is only earthly, our lasting relationship is with our heavenly Father.

  4. Learning from mistakes

    We are all far from perfect, I daily make mistakes and do things I regret. I accept that Michael makes mistakes and always will. What is important is seeing my husband own up to his mistakes and taking it as a learning lesson. I often have to do the same. Not only is this a humbling experience but it teaches us to forgive each other. Don’t look for a flawless person, seek a partner who acknowledges where they need to improve and are working on themselves.

  5. Authenticity

    Anyone who knows Mike knows he is not afraid to speak the truth. He will tell you like it is and you can trust his opinion. He does this because he genuinely cares about people and wants to help. He is always there for his friends or family that need him. Mike will drive an hour and a half to be with a buddy that is going through a rough time. He’s constantly building others up and encouraging their abilities. Seek a mate who is not afraid to be authentic and notice how he treats those closest to him.

Click here to read:
 Newlywed Reflections~Month 6: How I Learned to Cherish Each Moment Through Loss and Uncertainty

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Newlywed Reflections~Month 8: The Only Good Thing

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Photo: Camille Marie Photography

Why You Should be Willing to Love What Your Spouse Loves Newlywed Reflections~Month 3

To read the rest of this series click here: Newlywed Reflections

Yay 3 months, a quarter of a year! Time is just flying by.

This summer has been pretty busy between birthdays, tournaments, work, bachelor/bachelorette parties, family and just keeping up with life. It has also been one of the greatest summers filled with late-night adventures, long walks, kisses in the rain, exploring Ingersoll, hiking through forests in London, watching movies, learning to drive standard (!!), our first IKEA trip, long late talks, dinners with friends, fast car rides and sunset watching.

Another recent addition to our summer has been the game Pokemon Go. Before you judge me, let me explain. First, a lot of our adventures and exploring has been due to Pokemon. As certain areas are more likely to contain Pokemon or have a Pokestop which provides items for the game. Additionally, more rare Pokemon can be caught at night. Walking a certain amount of kilometres is needed to hatch eggs in the game. As a result we’ve hunted Pokemon in London at the mall, St. Peter’s Seminary, Ivey Park, Victoria Park, and Western University, at Gage Park in Hamilton, downtown Woodstock, all over Ingersoll, up in Montsell Beach at Mike’s dad’s and Victoria and Waterloo Park in Kitchener and Waterloo.

 

Why You Should Be Willing to Love What Your Spouse Loves

Another benefit to playing this game together besides the exercise is the time we get to spend together talking and having fun. Instead of watching a movie together or doing our own thing, we are outside either in our own neighbourhood or exploring a new park. Pokemon go is a catalyst for meaningful conversation. At the same time, we’re working towards increasing levels of our game. To be honest I usually would not be into this type of game. One of the main reasons I’m playing it is because my husband is so into it. I want us to be together and have shared experiences. Additionally, it’s a free activity. Overall it’s a win-win for both of us. Mike is happy I’m playing Pokemon with him and I’m happy we’re together and getting time to talk. Even if you or your spouse is not into a game like Pokemon, it’s important to be willing to partake in something your partner really enjoys. One thing I’ve picked up from the blog Beating 50 Percent written by Jeremy and Audrey Roloff is that if your spouse loves something there’s something you can find to love about it too.

There is something powerful about being willing to love something you wouldn’t normally love, for the sake of the person you love.

~Audrey Roloff

I try to have that attitude when Mike is excited about something or wants to try something new. I may not always be the best at it or understand it at first but I try to be willing and open to experience it. I’m really glad we play Pokemon Go together, it’s a fun challenge, we are spending lots of time outside in this beautiful weather and most importantly it’s a platform that has helped us spend more time together.

Here are a few pictures and a video of our adventures.

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XO

 Click here to read:
 Newlywed Reflections~Month 2: I thought I’d be a Perfect Wife

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Newlywed Reflections~Month 4: Why Marriage is Hard but Still Good 

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Photography: Camille Marie Photography