Thoughts on Singleness: How I Conquered Feeling Lonely, Unwanted and Not Good Enough

I write a lot on this blog of marriage and my experiences being married. I write about this topic because it’s relevant to my life at this point. However, before this current season, I spent a lot of time being single. I’ve written a few posts about those days: Just Wait, When Everyone Else is Getting Engaged and Encouragement for Single Women. Although those were not the most favourite or preferred times in my life, they were necessary and one lesson I learned was to be content on my own.

I understand that being single is not easy in a culture that is constantly pushing the mantra that you need someone to be happy or complete you. I say -lies! I also know that deep down we all accept the arduous truth that no one person can truly satisfy us. Yet we still seek a person or relationship to make us feel good, increase our ego and validate our worth. I understand the endeavour because we see the couples all over social media professing their undying love and affection to each other. They look so happy. Meanwhile, on the inside, we’re hurting or we’ve been injured by someone we trusted and we just want to feel loved and accepted. These feelings are not wrong, we were made to be loved.

Thoughts on Singleness: How I Conquered Feeling Lonely, Unwanted and Not Good Enough

Singleness is often perceived as not being wanted. Internally this may be felt or an ascribed label. Unfortunately, this definition deepens the pain of being ‘alone’. Not only do you not have someone to share life with, you’ve labelled yourself at not being worth someone’s time or affection. You persuade yourself if “I was attractive enough, or witty enough or…” then someone would notice me and validate my value, then someone would tell me I’m beautiful, then I could live out my romantic comedy dreams… I’ve felt all of these thoughts and emotions when I was single. It was hard. I often wondered if I would ever meet someone if I would get married before 25. I went through feeling bitter, jealous, and envious of other’s relationships. I wondered what is so wrong with me? Why can’t guys see my attractive qualities and character? I prayed many nights that God would bring a godly man into my life.

In an effort to change my situation I sought a relationship. Alas, trying to seek out a relationship often has the opposite result. All of my efforts to secure a guys attention usually failed. I tried to look pretty, be outgoing, laugh at their jokes, go to events where I knew there would be guys, talk to them, be available. To no avail did any of it work. I ended up feeling rejected. Eventually, I got to the point where I was encouraged to try online dating. (Which in some circumstances can be helpful to meet people, at the time I wasn’t ready to take this step). Everything I was trying was giving the same hopeless result. Until one evening where God changed my perspective.

I was over at a friends house from church with a few other young adult friends and my friend’s parents. We were talking about our church’s Young Adult group where once a month we had an event called Lunch & Learn where all the other young adults would gather after the Sunday morning service to share a meal and fellowship together. Our church was quite large and the group usually consisted of over 50 people. I always viewed it a perfect opportunity to meet guys (; On this night my friend’s parents encouraged us to go to Lunch & Learn the next day and seek out individuals who were alone or needed friends. We had a pretty solid friend group and it would be easy for us to reach out to others. The following day I went to the event resolute to seek out anyone who needed a friend. Instead of focusing on myself and how I could attract male attention, my desire’s were turned towards others needs. I and my friend ended up sitting away from our other friends to try meeting new people. As a result, I focused on showing kindness and interest to those around me instead of seeking validation from others.

This change in perspective was a pivotal moment for me to move past my selfish desires to meet my needs and to look around at how I could serve others. I wasn’t automatically content with my circumstances, but I began to not obsess over what I didn’t have to what I could give. I still felt lonely as I prayed about a future husband, but God began to change my heart and teach me to trust His timing.

A few weeks later I went home for Christmas and I focused on spending time with my family and doing fun things with my friends. Later my mom commented that she could sense I was lonely, but that I was also subtly content with my circumstances.

Eventually, I did meet a guy, and shockingly (to me) he asked me out on a real first date. From then on I entered a whole new exciting, surprising and unfamiliar season of life. Before that time I had spent a lot of time alone, single and wondering if that time would ever come. Looking back I’m grateful for the time I spent unattached. I realize it allowed me to cultivate lifelong friendships, to participate in a bible study that provided these friends, to spend in-depth time studying God’s word, filling my mind with truth and promises, and to learn the difficult lesson to be content in all circumstances.

I’m thankful I met Mike when I did because I was in a really good place personally. My sole desires at that time were not to find a relationship. Therefore, upon first meeting him I assumed he probably had a girlfriend so why waste time being overly friendly with this really attractive guy (as was my previous practice).

Still today, I haven’t mastered the virtue of contentment, I still struggle with it, although in different areas. In all season’s of life, we are faced with angst. I still have unmet desires and goals I hope to accomplish. Although I don’t know when those will be accomplished, I have learned to be content while I wait. I needed this timely reminder of how changing my perspective changed my situation.

Every season of life has a purpose and if one’s heart is open God is graciously teaching one a lesson. Don’t let your pride or personal preferences get in the way of His purpose. God doesn’t withhold good from those He loves. Although He gives us boundaries in His word to keep us away from situations and acts that are harmful to us, He does this to sanctify us and make us more like Him. At times it’s painful but the reward of obeying Him and living in submission to His commands far exceeds the pain.

Whatever your going through pray about it and trust that God is faithful in His timing.

Click here to read about one of my favourite go-to websites for solid, biblical advice on dating and relationships: Favourites Friday>> Boundless

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One Year

One year ago today Michael and I went on our very first official date as boyfriend and girlfriend. We had met almost four weeks prior to December 21, but we decided to get to know each other for one month before making things official. Although Mr. Eager wanted to begin dating closer to two weeks. We made it through two more long weeks after I went back to school. Then finally I made my way back to Kitchener on January 23, 2015. I anxiously awaited Michael’s arrival at my house. I was almost more nervous than our first date. I was hiding in the back room when he shyly came to the door with carnations where my mom answered. Before we left my mom took the honorary couple picture of two very nervous slightly awkward almost “official” daters.

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We walked out to Michael’s car and sat in it for a brief moment where he asked me the question I’d been waiting to hear for so long “will you be my girlfriend?”. From that moment on I was in a new season and experience of my life. Being in a relationship opens your eyes to the world in a way you’ve never seen it before. Suddenly the love stories in movies seem different and more relatable yet less desirable. 

We headed out that night to Kelsey’s all dressed up and so very happy to be together. After finding out there would be a long wait we decided to leave. Instead of spending a lot of money at the Keg for only our very first date we ventured to Casey’s. We were so new in our relationship that night, the feelings were so invigorating I think people could sense our infatuation. While we were ordering our food an older couple was leaving. The man stopped by our table and gave us an extra coupon he had for our meal. In that moment I felt his kindness and thoughtfulness as a blessing from God. Going out to eat at a nice restaurant was a luxury for us. I’ll never forget that strangers thoughtful gesture to us.

Following our meal, I don’t quite remember if we did anything else but we eventually headed near my house. Before dropping me off we just sat in a church parking lot on a hill overlooking our city and talked for a few hours. In our early days of dating, we spent a lot of time about our pasts, our families, our dreams, our lives. We really got to know each well within those first few months.

One year later and I think I know Michael a whole lot more than I did on that late night in January. Although I know there is still much more to learn, discover and appreciate about him. I’m so thankful for all the moments and times of sharing we’ve had so far.

A few things I love about Mike:

  • He makes me laugh, whether it’s adlibbing lyrics to a song, being wacky with me, tickling me, having a water fight or jumping out at me :p he can always make me smile
  • He loves God, Mike doesn’t take God lightly, he continually encourages me to pursue God wholeheartedly,  he keeps our focus on God through prayer, bible study and discussing how we can better serve God
  • He is authentic, either Mike is all in or all out, he will always give you the honest truth
  • He prioritizes communication if I need to talk to him about something or there’s an issue we need to resolve he will deal with it on the spot
  • He loves kids, Mike is pretty much the greatest uncle ever to Maverick, it’s so obvious he loves the kid to death and he makes an effort to be part of his life even though there are an hour and a half distance between them <3
  • He pursued me and made it clear from the beginning that his intentions included marriage
  • He is  generous, kind and thoughtful, Mike is always willing to help those close to him or offer a helping hand, he considers the needs of those around him and responds, whether it’s delivering a TV, buying coffee,  making grilled cheese or charging my phone
  • He is chivalrous, this was one of the first qualities that endeared me to Mike, he would open my car door, carry groceries, warm the car up for me, turn on my seat heater or hand me a blanket when I’ve been cold
  • He has incredible insight, Mike loves to talk and I like to listen, Mike has this incredible ability to explain things and make them very understandable, he sees situations and people differently and his perspective has great wisdom
  • He’s my best friend

Happy Anniversary Babe! I love you <3

One Year: from dating to Engagement

Why I Don’t Want To Be Curious Anymore

I’ve always classified myself as a curious person. From a young age, I was fascinated in discovering new information. As a young child, I was especially interested in animals. I had an encyclopedia type book on animals and I was an avid watcher of Zoboomafoo. Basically, I considered myself an animal “expert” and I made sure that my family knew they could refer to me if they had any inquiries. Although my curiosity has expanded beyond animals to my current study of Human Ecology I still thoroughly enjoy learning.

Curiosity has multiple connotations. Above I shared about my curiosity for learning which in itself is not a harmful pursuit. On the other hand, curiosity can also be interpersonal. Where the desire for information turns to wanting to know details about others lives, thoughts or actions. I’m referring to the curiosity that drives gossip and pursues unwholesome or inappropriate information.

I never understood the phrase “curiosity killed the cat”. In my mind curiosity was a good, innocent thing. It drove my desire to pursue higher education. I didn’t understand the other side of being curious. The part of wanting to know too much. At twenty-one, I’m a lot less innocent. I finally understand after a recent experience why it’s not always best to be an avidly curious person in interpersonal contexts.

I’ve always tried to give people their space. I try not to pry or ask intrusive questions. Personally, I don’t appreciate those remarks and I don’t always feel comfortable divulging certain personal aspects of my life. On the other hand, with people, I’m relatively close to I tend to feel a lot more confident asking those awkward or personal questions. Recently I crossed a line in asking for details and it got me in trouble. The information I received was not necessary or relevant or appropriate for me to know. It led the other person to be curious about similar aspects of my life. After the fact, I felt dumb for going too far with my questioning. I realized it’s not always beneficial to myself or others to be curious about certain matters. 

After that moment and doing some pondering I decided I don’t want to be curious anymore.

I don’t need to know the details of your life
As intriguing, exciting or relevant someone’s life may seem to me it’s not necessarily my place to unravel those details. I don’t need to know things said in private or about past experiences or relationships. If there is no prosperous reason to know the unrevealed information it’s not necessary to reveal. The following verse provides a good reminder about what information to dwell on.

“…be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil” Romans 16:19

In regards to romantic relationships, I think knowing too many details of someone’s past personal experiences can be detrimental to the present relationship, especially in the beginning. As the relationship progresses more things will ultimately be shared as the trust level increases. In talking about past experiences I would caution to only share of vague general experiences while leaving the nitty gritty details out of it.

The consideration of future regret may quell your present intrigue

If you’re having trouble knowing where to draw the line I would seek advice from a wise older person, pastor or counsellor. It may be painful or bring up regretful memories when talking about past experiences. I would encourage sensitivity for the listener along with grace and forgiveness. Sometimes certain questions need to be asked but other times it’s best to let the person share as they feel comfortable. I would also encourage prayer in this sensitive area.

I don’t want to spread gossip
Another aspect of being curious is that it fosters an environment where gossip is spread. Gossip is driven by the desire for information. Most of the time the information being passed on is not necessary for the hearer to know of. Curiosity drives the fight for wanting to know just a little bit more about a person or situation. In one aspect it gives a feeling of power. I can rationalize that I should know this information because of my relationship with this person or so that I won’t allow this person to use me… Talking about people in a rude or unprosperous manner is wrong. STOP wanting to know more. Just let things be. I’m learning to be satisfied with being innocent or ignorant of information that doesn’t pertain to me. I just don’t want to know. No matter how tantalizing the information may seem. For me, this is an ongoing struggle and still something that I would like to improve on in 2016.
At other times you yourself may be questioned for information. In these situations, it’s fair to say “It’s really none of our business” and to leave it at that. You don’t have to divulge personal information about yourself or others. It takes integrity to become a trustworthy person.

TNK
TNK is an acronym I learned while serving at a summer camp when I was 16. It stands for True, Necessary and Kind. Before sharing information consider whether it’s true, accurate and honest, necessary whether or not it’s appropriate or worth telling and lastly kind, does it edify others and Jesus? This little acronym has always stuck with me. I really think people tend to skip over the N or the necessary component in conversation. Curiosity is hugely tied into this. A lot of information does not need to be passed on. A few reasons for not sharing something is due to it being harmful to someone, tearing down a person, dishonouring God, or not being appropriate or relevant.

Back to my summer at Word of Life, one of the verses we memorized was Philippians 4:8, coincidentally we also sang it as a song with actions for kids camp which helped solidify it in my head. This verse outlines what we should think about and in turn speak on:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthythink about such things.

Overall curiosity is not a negative thing. Curiosity becomes detrimental when the object of curiosity causes one to stumble or pry into issues that are not appropriate.

Be curious for the things of God

Be curious to discover His word

Be curious to learn and let this curiosity drive your motivation to work hard and

never stop pursuing God.

XO

Just Wait

Everything in life takes time.  Yet I want life to happen just like I’ve planned it:

  • Meet a cute guy
  • Date
  • Get married
  • Have kids

While I simultaneously:

  • Finish school
  • Secure an internship
  • Become an RD
  • Have a fulfilling career

Boom boom done!

Just Wait: learning to wait for God's best

 

I don’t want to wait for things to happen.

Yet, I’m learning day by day that you cannot plan life, you cannot expect things to be the way you thought they would. Summer jobs you planned on working may fall through-then what? Relationships may spring out of nowhere and totally surprise you! Either way, life is full of unexpected turns and trials. I bet you never thought you’d be where you are today a year ago. I certainly could never ever planned my life would be like it currently is. I’m learning to take things one day, one season at a time. It’s exciting not to know what the future holds. I know God has a plan for me, that He is revealing day by day. I just need to be faithful to trust and obey Him. I need to submit my will to His perfect will. It’s not easy because I want to know the roadmap for my life. I want to know who I’m going to marry when we’ll get married. That’s not the way life is.

I think of people like Joseph and David whom God had clearly promised to bless and raise to great positions of power. They were not automatically put into these high positions. It took years of crappy jobs, continual faith and obedience for them to reach their calling. It’s the same way with us. God has great plans for our life, but they aren’t going to happen overnight. We have to go through the struggles and the trials of life. Maybe He’s preparing us for our future roles. Maybe He’s trying to teach us patience and faith and how to be a servant before being a leader. Don’t expect things to happen quickly or easy. Honestly, the best things are worth waiting for like sex and babies. These things could be an incredible blessing or a regretful experience. Everyone has choices to make and we are all responsible for how we choose to conduct our lives. Think ahead to the future, think about the big overall picture. Not just the next week or month or hour. I know it’s so hard because we get caught up in the moment and we crave pleasure. This isn’t wrong, but we need to be mindful of our choices and of who they are going to affect.

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. 1 Corinthians 6:12

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3, 4

Marriage is a wonderful thing. It is something I highly desire and aspire to attain. As I ponder marriage I think of the couples that have gone before me. I think about the couples who just seem like they were truly made for each other and seem to have such an incredible bond. Then I think about how long they waited to marry each other. Sometimes they dated for three years and long distance. During all this time they had an intense desire to be together. Yet it wasn’t the right time for them to get married. Think about how sweet it is for them and their family and friends to finally see them commit to each other for life. It’s such a joyous celebration. Good things don’t come easy or fast. You must wait for them and seek them out.

Life is full of waiting. I’m learning to expect to wait. To wait on God, to wait for His perfect timing. I don’t want what I think is good or the best. I truly with all my heart want God’s best. This is so hard for me to accept sometimes, but it’s part of obedience and of dying to self. Yes, I greatly desire marriage and a family, and I don’t know when these things will happen. I know that I must wait and I will continue to wait. I don’t expect them to happen quickly or easily. When these desires come to fruition I know I will be deeply grateful and excited. Life doesn’t begin when you get what you’ve always dreamed about, perhaps it becomes sweeter and more enjoyable though. I think that every stage of life is better than the last (at least that’s been the case so far). As we get older we mature and determine what really matters to us most in life. Ultimately it’s relationships. Perhaps that is why marriage and a family of one’s own are so desirable because it’s the forming of new intimate relationships. Don’t we all crave to be known and deeply loved? A family is partly where these longings are filled. God created the family. He is a giver of good things. We always need to be pursuing God through reading His word and praying to Him. This is how He reveals His will for us. We, in turn, need to obey Him and do the hard things and make the sacrifices in order to please Him and live for something beyond our selfish selves.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4:13

I know life is hard, school is not enjoyable, waiting sucks and expectations ruin reality. Stop. Just wait on God. Seek Him with all of your heart, mind and soul. Obey Him, because you’re never going to regret it.

 

XO

P.S.

I think waiting is so hard because it feels like we’re wasting time, like life is passing us by while we could be experiencing things. This is one of the most frustrating parts of waiting, it seems as if life is going nowhere. We get so caught up with our timelines and our age. I would encourage you to not view time as a restraint. Instead just allow things to happen as they occur over constantly measuring your life against a timeline. You may be surprised that you feel more free and relaxed concerning the events of your life. This is the attitude I’m trying to adopt-to let life happen

 


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Click here to read: Thoughts on Singleness: How I Conquered Feeling Lonely, Unwanted and Not Good Enough

Reflections of a Year Gone by

As I look back at the previous year I can divide it right down the middle and see two distinct times of my life. The first six months began with hopeful excitement and disbelief, but soon after those feelings came disappointment, sadness and regrets. Although this wasn’t a particularly enjoyable time of life I learned and I grew. The next six months I also learned a lot, and this helped me to grow as a person. Most of all  I gained confidence in myself and who God has created me to be. I don’t need anyone to validate me. I’m comfortable surrendering the plans of my life to God and going where He leads me.  Almost a year later I’m remembering the lessons I learned and trying not to repeat those steps.

Reflections of Year Gone Bye

May was a full month of really trusting God with providing summer employment. I learned to trust that God will always provide for our needs and often He will come through right when we think our situation is beginning to seem hopeless.

June to August was packed full of new experiences, many new people, a lot of time to just think and talk with people I never would have otherwise gotten to know. I also had a few low times during this period. I found it difficult to learn new tasks at work, I was exhausted, frustrated and trying to fit in and get to know my coworkers. It was at times a rough transition, there were times when I felt like crying and giving up. I know I am not a quitter and I have to rely on God’s strength to get me through each day. I learned my body is capable of way more than I ever thought possible, that I can push through the fatigue, the sweat and frustration.

As I began a new school year I took the lessons I learned from the summer and applied them to school. I went to the gym when I didn’t feel like it, I took fewer naps and wrote more notes. I did all those things that are boring and I didn’t feel like doing because I wanted to continue to feel proud of myself. My summer job was one of the proudest achievements I’ve had so far, and I want to continue that trend in my life.

Last Christmas was not the most wonderful time of the year for me. So this year I decided to do an Advent study my church recommended by John Piper called Good News of Great Joy. As I progressed through this study my understanding of the Christmas season intensified. Christ didn’t just come to earth as a vulnerable baby in a manger. He came to start his mission and ministry on earth. He came to suffer for us, to die on the cross and to rise again to sit at the right hand of God. His mission was not always easy, at times it was hard, but He obeyed God and His Father was well pleased with Him. Life isn’t easy or fun and we should expect hard times and disappointments. In these times we understand more of God’s character and we learn hard lessons. I would encourage you to never stop praying or reading your Bible, these are the only true sources of comfort and hope and really the only thing that keeps me going.

My year started off on a high note and it is ending off on an even higher note. Recently God has really blessed me. I never expected this to happen especially not the way it did. I can see God in the details. Nothing I did made these circumstances occur. I’m just so thankful this is how I’m starting my new year. It’s fun, new and exciting. I can’t wait to see what this next year holds!

 

 

XO

 

Happy New Year!

 

 

When You Don’t Get What You Want

I recently heard a story about a lady who had infertility problems and she was to adopt another ladies baby after it was born. The due date came and went, and it turned out the lady had given the baby to someone else.

She had been promised this baby, had been hoping and excitedly preparing. She was thankful that God was giving her the desires of her heart. But then her hopes and dreams did not come to fruition. What a terrible loss.

She ended up going into a deep depression. Her comments on her situation from her current perspective really made me think. I’m paraphrasing but she said “We need to trust in God in who He is. Not in what we think He should or is going to give us. We shouldn’t put our hope or faith in relationships or desires. Only in God in His character and who He is.”  This really made me think. Often I want to look forward to what God has in store for my life such as a relationship, marriage, children. I can’t count on those things to fulfill me or to be proof of my good faith. I can only count on God, on His promises in His word.

Here are some attributes of God to dwell on:

Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever Hebrews 13:8

Nothing can separate us from His love Romans 8:38-39

He will never leave us or forsake us Hebrews 13:5

His love is unfailing Psalm 147:11

He is good Psalms 136:1

Count on God, His character and His promises; not on what you think He’s going to give you.

 

Are You Really Content?

Maybe you really are content with your station in life at the moment. A lot of times I feel like I am trying to persuade those around me that I really am okay with not having a boyfriend.
We are all trying to convince each other we’re content by saying:

“I’d love to be dating but, I’m good right now.

I’m not looking for a boyfriend.

God will bring me my prince charming.

I’m just really content with my life.

I’m too busy with school, this would not be a good time to have a boyfriend.”

Who are we trying to convince?

Each other or ourselves or maybe God?

Maybe you really are content with your station in life at the moment. A lot of times I feel like I am trying to persuade those around me that I really am content with not having a boyfriend.

This sounds a lot better than being honest and saying “Ya I’d love to be dating someone, do you know of any people?” or “Ya I’m so looking forward another valentines day alone!” or even “Somedays I just feel really sad and it feels like nobody notices me, I put effort into looking good and being friendly, but nothing is happening.”

It’s hard to be real with people because I don’t want them to think I’m jaded and overly emotional. At the same time, I want their support and encouragement. I can feel all these different emotions but at the end of the day I know I have too much to be thankful for to wallow in self-pity.

Obedience brings blessing

Multiple instances in the Bible show that obedience brings blessing. For example, when God is preparing Joshua to lead the Israelites he instructs that if they follow his commands their way would be “prosperous” and they would have “good success”.

In the story of David, even when those around him encouraged him to do wrong (1 Samuel 24:4-7, 26:8-11). He was steadfast in his faith (1 Samuel 30:6), he looked to God for strength in times of distress. He became king of Israel and God richly blessed him.

God’s blessings aren’t always what we desire, but if we obey God he will give us good gifts. He also looks at our hearts and can see our motivation for obeying Him. Whether it is out of love for Him and in thankfulness for all He has done for us or out of selfish ambition.

Reject the clichés

Aahh I cannot stand clichés. First of all, they set up false hope. They make getting what you want a formula. They can be good if they offer encouragement, but they are not applicable to every life situation. I find it more helpful to study God’s word for encouragement than read another relationship book on how to be Dateable or how to stay sexually pure.

Study God’s word for what He has to say

Having a quiet time or devotional each day is imperative to standing strong during temptation, growing closer to God, being able to discern truth, and staying encouraged.

Personally reading my Bible each day helps me have a right view of the world, of others and it teaches me how I should be acting. Most of all when I’m stressed about life or just feeling sad, I feel so much better after spending time with God. My perspective is flipped around. I begin to see life from God’s point of view again. I remember everything will happen in God’s time according to His plan.

I am at a point in my life where school is very important to me. On a personal level, this means surrendering my plans and my life to Him. I want to go where He leads me. I know his plans are best for my life, better than I could ever dream or want for myself.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart  and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones Proverbs 3:5-8

Formulate opinions based on truth

I’m constantly being inundated with opinions not based on a biblical worldview. Social media shows a never-ending stream of what I should look like, aspire to or accept. I despise this.

It is so important to surround myself with the truth. Practically for me, this means, avoiding movies with blatant sex scenes, listening to music that talks about sex or other inappropriate content. I try to make it a priority to surround myself with images and messages that proclaim a biblical worldview.

I strive to set high standards in order to prevent my mind from drifting to thoughts and places it shouldn’t. One reason I don’t like watching romantic movies, reading novels that focus explicitly on romance or listening to songs about relationships is that this breeds discontent. I don’t want to let myself focus on what I can’t or don’t have now. I’d rather concentrate on my present circumstances and be thankful for what is going on now. I want to aim to enjoy today without worrying about the future or what could be.


Discontentment begins in the mind, with one thought of “I wish…” or “why can’t my life be like…”. I want to leave you with a challenge you to change your thought pattern. I’ve found it really helpful to memorize the following verse and repeat it to myself when my mind begins to wander into ‘what if’ land. If my thoughts don’t fit into the admonition below I know this is something I should not be dwelling on. Also, another great verse to remember if you’re having trouble curbing your thoughts is 2 Corinthians 10:5.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Maybe you really are content with your station in life at the moment. A lot of times I feel like I am trying to persuade those around me that I really am okay with not having a boyfriend. #relationships #dating #singleness

When Everyone Else is Getting Engaged

Within the past two years, it seems I’ve known a lot of couples who’ve gotten married or engaged. (Just today I found out about two young ladies at church that had recently gotten engaged). This is serious, people aren’t just dating anymore. I think I could’ve handled dating. Marriage is a huge step, it’s almost mind-blowing to me. Most of these couples are in their early twenties or late teens. It just seems almost preposterous to me, especially when there are virtually no potentials on my horizon.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15

Even though I can’t personally relate to the joy of these couples, I’m thrilled for them. What an exciting season of life to be in! It’s awesome to see Christian couples coming together and becoming families, it’s a great example for the world to see. We are called to rejoice with those who rejoice, to join in their excitement and to be happy for them. Sometimes I’d rather just cry and ask: why not me? What’s so good about that girl? I guess I’m just not at that level spiritually or mature enough. Overall I don’t want to be stuck in a selfish rut, I want to be happy for these people and support them and pray for them. Yes, I’m not at that point in my life, but they are and this is exciting for them. As hard as it may be sometimes, I want to be reminded to “rejoice with those who rejoice”.

When Everyone Else is Getting Engaged


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Encouragement for Single Women

A lot of times I feel very discouraged that I haven’t met the right guy or have never been in a relationship. Especially when I see other couples holding hands, working out at the gym together or at a party. It’s hard not to feel sad and lonely. When I’m feeling down I try to remember these tips:

 

It’s not a competition

Every guy is looking for certain character or personality qualities in a woman. Such as high moral standards, integrity, hard work, thoughtfulness or determination. For most guys, these are the non-negotiable qualities. You may have certain unique qualities that another woman does not. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, embrace who you are and don’t be jealous of other women.

Of course, you may be more attractive to one guy if you enjoy sports, but the attraction has to go deeper than surface things for a lasting relationship.

Always be yourself, be genuine, and be honest.

You’re not better than all the other women in the room

When you’re with your friends don’t try to distract a guys attention to yourself, be a wing woman and help your friends out.

 Keep a proper and balanced view of yourself, often times I’ll compare myself to other women. I’ll think I’m prettier or nicer than her and this guy should go for me over her. I’m not perfect and neither is she, but we are both valuable and worthy to be loved, neither one of us is ‘better’. Instead, come from a place of humility.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

  Pursue your dreams, goals, and aspirations

Instead of waiting around for a guy to complete your life, chase after something that inspires you. It could be finishing your bachelor’s degree and getting a Masters or simply volunteering once a week with the homeless. For me, I would love to have a family and be a stay at home mom. At this point that is not what I’m able to do. Instead, I’m working towards my BSc to become a dietician. My focus is on University and studying. Although it’s not the most exciting thing, I have a goal in mind and I’m working hard to achieve it.

Plus, you will appear more interesting to a guy if you have a life and interests of your own.

 Don’t over analyze every situation…guys are simple

Don’t look for little signs to see if he notices you or is giving you extra attention…

…if he wants it to be more, he’ll ask you out.

If a guy asks you out for coffee, it’s just coffee nothing more.

Take it one step at a time and enjoy the process.

Too often I read into a guys attention because I want it to be more, I want it to mean something. Most times I’m left jaded and disappointed, over time I’ve learned to not get my hopes up and just wait patiently and prayerfully for a guy to initiate.

If a guy does ask you out for say coffee or lunch, he’s not asking to marry you. He just wants to spend some time getting to know you, to build a friendship. It’s important to hold back and keep an aura of mystery about yourself. Let the guy ask questions, let him pursue your heart.

This past summer I was chatting with a guy at work, and as we were talking it got more and more personal. I just briefly knew this guy, and I thought I don’t need to know his whole life story, I can just take things slowly and get to know a little more about him everytime we chat. Don’t try to be in a rush to get to know a guy. Let the stories unfold slowly.

 God is only asking you to be single for today

I find it so easy to get caught up worrying about the future. I’ll flip from imagining my dream life to contemplating a dreary future alone with nobody to share life with. In reality, I don’t know what the future holds. At the end of the day, I trust that God has a plan for me and He is good. I can only take life one day at a time. I always try to thank God every day for what I have, like my health, good food, a loving family, the ability to go to University…It’s so easy to get caught up in what I don’t have. I believe this is a lie Satan wants us to believe, the if only, then I would be satisfied lie. Envy is a sin and contentment is a difficult lesson to learn. I can only take life one day at a time. I need to remember that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Romans 3:23). I’m not walking through life alone, I have Christ and He is always by my side.

 But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 1 Timothy 6:6-8

Life can be disappointing when it doesn’t happen on our terms. We may not date the guy we want to when we want to or get the job we want. However, life is better when we surrender our desires and our plans to God. When we say to God “lead me in the direction You have for my life”. Ultimately His plans are better than we can think or imagine.

For more encouragement click here to read To the Ladies in Waiting

Young Marriage (16)


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