I Thought I’d be a Perfect Wife Newlywed Reflections~Month 2

To read the rest of this series click here: Newlywed Reflections

I Thought I’d be a Perfect Wife…

I’m using a bit of hyperbole here, but I thought I would be a whole lot better at this wife thing. I’ve read marriage books, listened to countless Focus on the Family Podcasts, read blog after blog on all issues surrounding marriage and heard a multitude of sermons on the topic in addition to my personal study of marriage within the Bible. People encouraged me that I’d be such a great wife one day. I went into marriage with all this confidence and skill…

I Thought I'd Be A Perfect Wife

Then reality happened and at times pride got in the way of my idealist goals. At the core I expected things to be different. I know expectations are a set up for failure and dashed hopes. Alas, they are inevitable. At times I’ve felt jaded that we didn’t get more time together to do normal things like eat dinner together and chill. Other times I’ve appreciated our separation because I treasure our moments together so much more. A couple weekends ago I was driving with Mike to go get food and I was just so happy. That was our first time alone together for almost a whole week. I just missed being in his presence.

Nonetheless, this plight of mine is only reflective of a short 3.5 month season. I’m sure the next season of work and school this coming fall will bring its own challenges. In addition, I’m sure my exposure to other young married couples on social media isn’t helping my expectations. It seems that some couples spend endless amounts of time together going on spontaneous picture perfect adventures on a regular weekday. Consequently, I fall into the trap of comparison and jealousy very easily. As a result, I get down and feel unappreciative of my incredibly blessed and fortunate circumstances.

Dashed expectations regarding lack of time together are not my sole “challenge”. I thought I would be better as a wife. I know I’m only two months in, but I thought I was ready for this wife thing. Before marrying I worked on my #wifeskills like cooking, cleaning, and hosting to prepare for the domestic side of being a wife. Although I’m still figuring out how to manage a household. These proficiencies are only superficial yet beneficial skills to possess. I thought I’d be better at the relational aspects. Perhaps I shouldn’t be too hard on myself because I’ve never been married and I’ve only dated Mike. Yet, this whole relationship/partner/spouse thing has been a huge learning curve. One can learn stuff about marriage and relationships indefinitely but on a real life “living it out level” it is so. much. different. What one can’t prepare for are the dynamics of one’s relationship or the type of person one is going to be with. As it is Mike and me are different in many unexpected and delightful ways. Therefore I could only prepare for a certain level of a marriage relationship but certainly not the unique day to day challenges until I knew who I was marrying. Thankfully our pre-marriage counselling with our pastor did help tremendously to prepare for the specifics of our marriage relationship. Nonetheless, I had to experience marriage to truly understand the intricacies involved.

Pridefully, I thought I knew how to be a “perfect wife”. For example, I knew that men need respect, so make sure to affirm them. Or don’t be a nagging wife, prepare his favourite foods often, let him unwind after work, fulfill his physical needs willingly and with passion, look good for him when he comes home, communicate your needs and expectations… My brain is filled with these tidbits of advice. They are beneficial, but not always specific to my relationship. I can be checking off these boxes but neglecting real areas that I need to work on.

Overall, the biggest lesson I’ve learned this month is to take a deeper more realistic look at my life and not compare it to others. Which is soo hard!

As I was spending time with my grandparents this week who have been married for over 5o years I observed that marriage is about serving each other and going through seasons where you’re both working a lot and may not always get the luxury of unlimited quality time together. That’s okay because Lord willing you have the rest of your lives together. I want to purpose to enjoy every season God has so graciously blessed me with.

Click here to read:
 Newlywed Reflections~Month 1: What Surprised me About our First Month

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 Newlywed Reflections~Month 3: Why You Should be Willing to Love What Your Spouse Loves

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Photography: Camille Marie Photography 

What Surprised Me About our First Month of Marriage Newlywed Reflections~Month 1

To read the rest of this series click here: Newlywed Reflections

As of June 7th, Michael and I have been married for one month!! When we were engaged time seemed to move super slow, since we’ve been married time has flown by! Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this past month and what I’ve learned, been surprised about or am grateful for. I wanted to share some early things I’ve been learning as a newlywed <3

What Surprised Me About Our First Month of Marriage

Things that surprised me:

How immediately our relationship felt different

After our reception, I was waiting for Mike to change out of his tuxedo and I felt sort of lost. I didn’t know where I belonged. I couldn’t wait with my parents because I was married and they just gave me away. I just had this feeling of separateness now that Michael is my husband. We were a new family. We belonged together. It was a strange and unexpected feeling.

On the other hand the next day it felt so normal being with Mike, yet very different at the same time. For example, we went shopping at Forever 21 except this time we were spending our money and I was with my husband. It’s such a hard feeling to explain, but our relationship just felt so solid and strong. I wasn’t just shopping with my boyfriend, I was with my husband.

Being together feels different especially around other people. I feel more confident with him by my side and less awkward.

Real life is better than the honeymoon

We had a wonderful honeymoon in Cuba, I’m so grateful we were able to get away. I miss the evenings where we would sit out on our balcony reading the Bible and our devo books together and just talking and watching Fernando the gecko. At the same time, the reality of life always looms over one’s head while on vacation. Honestly, I was really looking forward to returning home. I wanted to experience everyday life with Michael. To live in our apartment together and go shopping for our home. The first few days back after our vacation was just fun and blissful in a different way.

How much I miss him when we’re apart.

Honestly, I’m glad we’re not together all the time. I need Courtney time and he needs Mike time. At the end of the day, I’m so ready to come home to him. The past few days Mike has been away visiting his dad. I’m grateful he can spend some one on one time with his father especially after all the stress of his AZ course these past few weeks, but I have really missed him these past few days. It’s been so quiet, I miss hearing his voice and silly remarks. At the same time, I’m learning to lean on God for comfort and support when I start to feel sad.

Things I’m grateful for

  • How secure I feel in our relationship like we’re not going to break up if something goes wrong
  • Having freedom
  • How much I anticipate going home to Michael and our home
  • Being independent
  • Goodbye is never really goodbye
  • Being a team, when I go to work it’s for us, I’m helping contribute to our financial goals
  • His family feels like my family. I feel a stronger bond with Mike’s family since being married.
  • Michael is the sweetest husband ever! Honestly, I’m so blessed.
    • One day I came home from work and he had made me supper and did the dishes. He was also about to make the bed which he never does.
    • He’s brought me breakfast in bed a couple times.
    • Taking care of me when I wasn’t feeling well
    • When I cough in the night and he asks if I’m okay
    • Checking the oil in my car before I leave
    • Installing things for our house
    • Organizing our stuff while I’m gone
    • Being the best at dishes and cleaning up
    • Making sure I have everything I need

Things I’m learning

I can’t look to Michael to define me, complete me or validate me. I know this, but it’s a lot harder to accept it on an everyday level. I’m learning to seek my worth from God. He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I’m in the midst of learning this truth and it’s really hard because I struggle with insecurity and feeling not good enough. I know that to be a good wife to Michael I first need to have a solid relationship with God. One where He is working in my heart to change the things that need to change. I’m so grateful that God brings us through situations where he grows our faith. I don’t want to remain stagnant in my walk with Him.

Things I’m looking forward to

  • Having lots of babies (;
  • Buying a house
  • Both of us getting started in our careers
 Click here to read: Newlywed Reflections~Month 2: I thought I’d be a Perfect Wife

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Photography: Camille Marie Photography