To the ladies in waiting…

I recently read an article by a man on a popular Christian magazine site giving advice to the ladies in waiting. To be honest I thought his advice was a lame excuse for men choosing to act like adolescents and waiting for a woman to fix their problems. I fear this sends a message to women that men have pretty much just given up on maturity and you must take the lead. To this I say wrong! Please don’t settle for a man-child, because real, godly, mature men still exist.

To The Ladies in Waiting

To all the ladies I have 5 things to say:

1. Get serious about your relationship with God

A personal relationship with God has to be a priority no matter what stage of life. It can be especially easy to neglect God (or even friends or family) when feelings of romance start. Your attention is directed at keeping this new interest attracted and happy. As a result, other priorities tend to take a backseat.

To prevent God falling by the wayside I would encourage you to get in the habit of reading your Bible + praying daily (She Reads Truth is a great resource). Once you get into this routine it is so much easier to fight off temptation and have a right view of what God desires for your life. If you are walking in truth and living accountable to God you will be much more sensitive to His leading in your life rather than letting your flesh or your heart lead you.

 2. Respect Yourself

In the vein of trying to keep a potential match interested, it can be easy to compromise your standards.

For example, maybe you start showing a little more cleavage or wearing tighter pants when you hang out with him because he’s told you he likes those things. In the moment his affirmation feels good so you keep dressing this way. Yet in your heart, you know that dressing this way is not the best for your relationship because it can cause him to stumble and he is not respecting your values. Although, when one is married go ahead and dress provocatively for your husband because you want him to look at you and be attracted to your body. When one is dating or even engaged the partner does not have these rights to your body. Furthermore, as a Christian, God-fearing woman you are an example not only to the world but younger woman and girls. Even if you don’t realize it especially in the social media age one is always being watched.

Although, when one is married go ahead and dress provocatively for your husband because you want him to look at you and be attracted to your body. However, when one is dating or even engaged the partner does not have these rights to your body. Furthermore, as a Christian, God-fearing woman you are an example not only to the world but younger woman and girls. Even if you don’t realize it especially in the social media age one is always being watched.

Furthermore, as a Christian, God-fearing woman you are an example not only to the world but younger woman and girls. Even if you don’t realize it especially in the social media age one is always being watched.

Overall don’t compromise your standards or values to be with a guy. Either he needs to learn to respect you and understand the biblical principles you are choosing to follow or there is another guy who will.

3. Don’t Settle, but Do Settle

You marry who you marry and you have to accept that, to some extent. I am all for men continuing to mature and become better people. However, if you decide to marry someone you are choosing to accept them just as they are without hoping marriage will suddenly change them.

For this reason only date and marry a man who is mature, who is solid in his faith, who handles his money well, who is connected to a community and loves you well. Beyond these basic character qualities be willing to settle on less important attributes.

4. Be Honest with Yourself and Him

This one is hard. Especially if you have trouble confronting people or speaking up. Yet it is imperative to a healthy relationship. If something in your relationship doesn’t feel right or you are really bothered by something your partner is doing have the courage to speak about it. No one wants to date someone is holding resentment against them because eventually, it’s going to kill the relationship.

That being said, before you raise an issue pray about it, seek out what God says in scripture and talk to a trusted mentor. This will prevent an eruption one day of all your problems. Which can a small problem big and catch your partner off guard. Try to take a few days and collect your thoughts. Perhaps the issue is not as big as you first thought.

Whenever I have needed to confront a problem I have always found it helpful to start with scripture to establish that I’m not just basing this issue off of my opinion but the authority of God’s word. If your partner is a Christian they should feel convicted by God’s word.

5. Stay in Community

Finally don’t be a lone wolf. If possible attend the same church as the person you are dating. This allows you to be under the same teaching each week but it also provides a group of people that can get to know both of you and possibly mentor your relationship.

In my experience older couples are usually very willing to get to know a younger couple. We had some very close friends around our parent’s age who made an effort to get to know us, they invited us over and the husband even sang at our wedding. We will always treasure these friends and appreciate their godly influence over our relationship.

I know at times it can seem like there are no good Christian guys left out there. Although this can feel discouraging don’t let it tarnish your standards. There are good godly men out there seeking a godly wife. Don’t settle for an immature, kinda Christian man-child because even if you marry him you will encounter a lot more heartache than if you had waited for a solid Christian guy.

Waiting is hard and dating is not always easy but the rewards of being intentional and standing by your values are worth the marriage they produce.


Summary:

1. Get Serious About Your Relationship with God

God should be a priority at every stage in life, but especially before you enter a relationship because dating can really affect who you are.

 2. Respect Yourself

Don’t compromise your values to keep a guy interested.

3. Don’t Settle, but Do Settle

You won’t marry a perfect man, but still set baseline standards for who you will date.

4. Be Honest with Yourself and Him

If your relationship has a problem or something doesn’t feel right pray about it first before confronting your partner. Remember to have courage and don’t let issues build up.

5. Stay in Community

Find a good church you can attend together and get involved in it!

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For more encouragement check out my most popular post: Encouragement for Single Women

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