A lot of times I feel very discouraged that I haven’t met the right guy or have never been in a relationship. Especially when I see other couples holding hands, working out at the gym together or at a party. It’s hard not to feel sad and lonely when single.
When I’m feeling down I try to remember these tips:
It’s not a competition
Every guy is looking for certain character or personality qualities in a woman. Such as high moral standards, integrity, hard work, thoughtfulness or determination. For most guys, these are the non-negotiable qualities.
You may have certain unique qualities that another woman does not. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, embrace who you are and don’t be jealous of other women.
Of course, you may be more attractive to one guy if you enjoy sports, but the attraction has to go deeper than surface things for a lasting relationship.
Always be yourself, be genuine, and be honest.
You’re not better than all the other women in the room
When you’re with your friends don’t try to distract a guys attention to yourself, be a wing woman and help your friends out.
Keep a proper and balanced view of yourself, often times I’ll compare myself to other women. I’ll think I’m prettier or nicer than her and this guy should go for me over her.
I’m not perfect and neither is she, but we are both valuable and worthy to be loved, neither one of us is ‘better’. Instead, come from a place of humility.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3
Pursue your dreams, goals, and aspirations
Instead of waiting around for a guy to complete your life, chase after something that inspires you. It could be finishing your bachelor’s degree and getting a Masters or simply volunteering once a week with the homeless.
For me, I would love to have a family and be a stay at home mom. At this point that is not what I’m able to do. Instead, I’m working towards my BSc to become a dietician. My focus is on University and studying. Although it’s not the most exciting thing, I have a goal in mind and I’m working hard to achieve it.
Plus, you will appear more interesting to a guy if you have a life and interests of your own.
Don’t over analyze every situation…guys are simple
Don’t look for little signs to see if he notices you or is giving you extra attention…
…if he wants it to be more, he’ll ask you out.
If a guy asks you out for coffee, it’s just coffee nothing more.
Take it one step at a time and enjoy the process.
Too often I read into a guys attention because I want it to be more, I want it to mean something. Most times I’m left jaded and disappointed, over time I’ve learned to not get my hopes up and just wait patiently and prayerfully for a guy to initiate.
If a guy does ask you out for say coffee or lunch, he’s not asking to marry you. He just wants to spend some time getting to know you, to build a friendship. It’s important to hold back and keep an aura of mystery about yourself. Let the guy ask questions, let him pursue your heart.
This past summer I was chatting with a guy at work, and as we were talking it got more and more personal. I just briefly knew this guy, and I thought I don’t need to know his whole life story,
I can just take things slowly and get to know a little more about him every time we chat. Don’t try to be in a rush to get to know a guy. Let the stories unfold slowly.
God is only asking you to be single for today
I find it so easy to get caught up worrying about the future. I’ll flip from imagining my dream life to contemplating a dreary future alone and single. In reality, I don’t know what the future holds. At the end of the day, I trust that God has a plan for me and He is good. I can only take life one day at a time.
I always try to thank God every day for what I have, like my health, good food, a loving family, the ability to go to University…It’s so easy to get caught up in what I don’t have. I believe this is a lie Satan wants us to believe, the if only, then I would be satisfied lie.
Envy is a sin and contentment is a difficult lesson to learn. I need to remember that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Romans 3:23). I’m not walking through life alone, I have Christ and He is always by my side.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 1 Timothy 6:6-8
Life can be disappointing when it doesn’t happen on our terms. We may not date the guy we want to when we want to or get the job we want. However, life is better when we surrender our desires and our plans to God.
When we say to God “lead me in the direction You have for my life”. Ultimately His plans are better than we can think or imagine.
For more encouragement click here to read To the Ladies in Waiting
If you are single and reading this don’t lose hope! Looking back my time of singleness was such a short season. It’s a time I wish I would have appreciated more. Take time to try new things, spend time with God and and invest in your friendships.
I love the season of life I am in now. But it is a very busy season. Enjoy the freedom you have with your time now. Life can change so quickly and it’s not always as easy to do things for yourself.
To read more about our first year of marriage click here.
Books to Read During a Season of Being Single
Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot
From Amazon: “In order to learn what it means to be a woman, we must start with the One who made her.” Working from Scripture, well-known speaker and author Elisabeth Elliot shares her observations and experiences in a number of essays on what it means to be a Christian woman, whether single, married, or widowed
This is one book I read over and over again. Each time I glean something new as I’m in a different stage of life. Each chapter is a different letter to meditate on.
I was on the launch team for this book. To read my full review click here. This is a book everyone should read. It’s full of practical wisdom and hard hitting truth.
From Amazon: This book is for the young person tangled up in an addiction to pornography, for the girlfriend feeling pressured to go further, for the “good girl” who followed the rules and saved herself for marriage and then was confused and disappointed, for the married couple who use sex as a bargaining tool, for every person who casually watches sex play out in TV and movies and wonders why they’re dissatisfied with the real thing, and for every confused or hurting person in-between.
What are You Waiting For? by Dannah Gresh
I read this book awhile ago but it was one book that made a huge impact on me. I appreciated the authors honest look at sex and how its bigger than it seems.
From Amazon: If you’re a young woman looking for honest answers about sex—and wondering why it’s such a big deal to God—you’ve come to the right place. In these pages you’ll discover a life-changing truth that no one ever talks about—a truth that will transform everything you think you know about sex, romance, and God.
25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask About Love, Sex and Intimacy by Dr. Juli Slattery
For a shorter read and more to the point on tough questions this book is an easy read. It still contains truth from God’s word and honesty about tough questions.
From Amazon: Whether you are married or single, having great sex or no sex, your sexuality is inseparable from your spirituality. Sadly, most churches are silent on the subject.
Find answers to your questions, liberation from your fears, and freedom to explore God’s good gifts of love, sex, and intimacy.